i will say as an american who has gone through the cycles referenced here -- suburb --> city --> suburb -- i don't find it to be so problematic. perhaps like with most things much of what happens is what you make of it. i think it is also worth noting the three extremely important reasons that drive the move to the suburbs:
1. money
2. space (related to money)
3. schools
if you don't have the money, you cannot live in the big city, no matter how much you may want to. this ties into space; the larger of a family you desire, the more space you will generally desire also. there is a lot of variance in terms of how much, but there is an almost universal correlation of some variable magnitude between space desired and people in household.
lastly is schools. education decisions drive much of suburban migration; inner city schools are often worse, the good ones harder to get into, and private ones often being unaffordable, and homeschooling is extremely challenging for many. should schooling drive such a decision? _the nurture assumption_ by judith harris is a book that has influenced my thinking, in that it argues peer groups are more influential than parents in shaping a person -- and thus the most impactful thing a parent can do is shape the peer group of their children to their liking. perhaps this drives the sort of closed-mindedness referenced in the blog post, though i think it has benefits too.
There's a certain attitude that I've seen among what would pass for a semi-Bohemian class here: I'm willing to live in the city or a close in suburb (it is America, after all): Ok, my kid will grow up, if they don't end up a hooligan or a prostitute it's fine, the important thing is that they can express themselves.
These people are older and came from families with established money, I suspect that attitude would be considered child abuse anywhere else in the middle class. And no, you still don't get to have affairs. You're not supposed to want sex from 35 to retirement, anyway!
Fascinating piece. I lived in suburbia a lot of my life, I notice also that in those environments people have fewer friends, rely on each other far less (self-reliance is kind of a gospel), and consume much more in place of social activity and community engagement. Politicians are always catering to that lifestyle and worldview, and I think it is the true character of America that shapes what the nation does. This is where cable news speaks to people, and the place where politician speak magically translates from gobbledygook to ideas that appear to make sense.
I have also observed that I didn't know anyone who regularly went to strip clubs (except friends who worked there) until the guys all started having kids and owning homes. However, this is in the border zone where there are strip clubs that can be accessed from suburban neighborhoods, and not very true out in the country.
I will say, transitioning from that environment to the city has had some quirks because I was used to quiet streets, good insulation/effective heating and cooling, free parking. But cities feel alive and communal in a way that suburbs don't, though much moreso in Europe or Asia.
Suburbs are where white people go to get away from those other people, its always been that way, so w a foundation like that you can't expect it to be a healthy environment. Very good article.
I think a lot of facades of happy suburban families are sham. The divorce rate is the same everywhere. Yes, maybe you want to take it as serious as possible with the person you’re sharing the mortgage but who knows what their intentions are.
I once met Mary Ellen Mark and I got to talk to her. Three minutes into the conversation, she asked me what my accent is from and upon learning that I’m Russian she said : my fiend Boris, he is from Czechoslovakia, told me - never trust Russians, they are charming but they will deceive you…what do you think?
So « never meet you heroes » I guess.
I hope you and Yasha will get to parent your daughter where you find it fitting. In ideal world, I would suggest Moscow but we are not there yet.
i will say as an american who has gone through the cycles referenced here -- suburb --> city --> suburb -- i don't find it to be so problematic. perhaps like with most things much of what happens is what you make of it. i think it is also worth noting the three extremely important reasons that drive the move to the suburbs:
1. money
2. space (related to money)
3. schools
if you don't have the money, you cannot live in the big city, no matter how much you may want to. this ties into space; the larger of a family you desire, the more space you will generally desire also. there is a lot of variance in terms of how much, but there is an almost universal correlation of some variable magnitude between space desired and people in household.
lastly is schools. education decisions drive much of suburban migration; inner city schools are often worse, the good ones harder to get into, and private ones often being unaffordable, and homeschooling is extremely challenging for many. should schooling drive such a decision? _the nurture assumption_ by judith harris is a book that has influenced my thinking, in that it argues peer groups are more influential than parents in shaping a person -- and thus the most impactful thing a parent can do is shape the peer group of their children to their liking. perhaps this drives the sort of closed-mindedness referenced in the blog post, though i think it has benefits too.
There's a certain attitude that I've seen among what would pass for a semi-Bohemian class here: I'm willing to live in the city or a close in suburb (it is America, after all): Ok, my kid will grow up, if they don't end up a hooligan or a prostitute it's fine, the important thing is that they can express themselves.
These people are older and came from families with established money, I suspect that attitude would be considered child abuse anywhere else in the middle class. And no, you still don't get to have affairs. You're not supposed to want sex from 35 to retirement, anyway!
Fascinating piece. I lived in suburbia a lot of my life, I notice also that in those environments people have fewer friends, rely on each other far less (self-reliance is kind of a gospel), and consume much more in place of social activity and community engagement. Politicians are always catering to that lifestyle and worldview, and I think it is the true character of America that shapes what the nation does. This is where cable news speaks to people, and the place where politician speak magically translates from gobbledygook to ideas that appear to make sense.
I have also observed that I didn't know anyone who regularly went to strip clubs (except friends who worked there) until the guys all started having kids and owning homes. However, this is in the border zone where there are strip clubs that can be accessed from suburban neighborhoods, and not very true out in the country.
I will say, transitioning from that environment to the city has had some quirks because I was used to quiet streets, good insulation/effective heating and cooling, free parking. But cities feel alive and communal in a way that suburbs don't, though much moreso in Europe or Asia.
Suburbs are where white people go to get away from those other people, its always been that way, so w a foundation like that you can't expect it to be a healthy environment. Very good article.
I think a lot of facades of happy suburban families are sham. The divorce rate is the same everywhere. Yes, maybe you want to take it as serious as possible with the person you’re sharing the mortgage but who knows what their intentions are.
I once met Mary Ellen Mark and I got to talk to her. Three minutes into the conversation, she asked me what my accent is from and upon learning that I’m Russian she said : my fiend Boris, he is from Czechoslovakia, told me - never trust Russians, they are charming but they will deceive you…what do you think?
So « never meet you heroes » I guess.
I hope you and Yasha will get to parent your daughter where you find it fitting. In ideal world, I would suggest Moscow but we are not there yet.
Keeping up with the Jones’ has disappeared
It was big in the 60s-80s
Communication Technology is partially responsible
How many Amazon vans do you see everyday?
Nobody watches the same thing anymore. They may subscribe to the same platforms, but that’s about it
What, nobody's put _this_ up yet??!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7_fdU7kUBI