We’re about to become parents so this ep has serious breeder energy. We start off by talking about Evgenia Kovda’s recent great essay on “procreation horror” and then we move on, riffing on things like fertility under neoliberalism, Soviet bourgeois family life, dogs as baby replacements, and having children as a consumer choice.
The human gestation is 40 weeks, which is actually about 9 and 1/3 months. There aren't exactly four weeks in a month, so you can calculate the total months by taking (40 weeks X 7 days)/30 days; this gives you 9.3333 months. I'm excited for you guys. You're going to be great parents because you are thoughtful and you don't give a shit what people think. I never planned on having children and when I first found out I was pregnant, I thought I was having a long hangover and my mom was like, "Could you be pregnant?" Of course, I could. I had been married for four years, we didn't use birth control, but I honestly didn't think of it until she said something." I'm a pretty good mom (could be better, could be worse) and I believe that is specifically due to the fact that being a parent was never a part of my identity. It was never a need I had to complete who I am as a person or a woman. We just made room for the kid, with no resentment because to us she was a special, delightful surprise from the universe. She is now the most easy-going, hilarious, independent and weird-in-a-good-way 9-year-old individual I have ever met. I'm so glad she didn't end up being a puppy torturer or something. I have a pretty good feeling you guys will have similar luck.
I've met plenty of Russian and American men who villainize Russian women as gold diggers and that broad generalization always disgusted me. For that reason I really appreciated the bit about Russian women trying to find a situation where they can enjoy a 1950's housewife lifestyle after having witnessed the toll of parenting and working on their mothers in the Soviet Union. This would certainly describe the majority of women in my family -- some who have married up successfully, but most not. The material conditions in America today for working class women of course makes it's no easier as you point out. I really enjoyed this episode even if it did cause me to feel a little bummed and reflect on my personal life. My own reflection comes out of both observing and aiding a single mother within a system that does not, as you both mentioned, enable a single parent to provide comfortably on her own despite the woke-feminist-liberal propaganda machine. Living that has traumatized me enough to not even toy with the idea of children unless I found the ideal partner and stability. On a lighter note, along with the reflection, this episode gave me a little hope :)
Bravo on the feat of choosing to raise a child! That kid is going to be so lucky!
Thank you! Don't know what's the single motherhood was like in US, but I grew up with basically a single mother in Russia and that actually made me think it's feasible.
I appreciated this for a few reasons. Its totally relatable.
(1) I hate the culture of pet obsession of professional class/ comfortable people and glad that you guys acknowledged it as bizarre
(2) the section on Gattaca is good. For me trying to exercise increasing control over stuff like this has many problems. One of them is that always making the same optimized choice is actually the wrong approach for many reasons. Such as context changes and we don't always notice. And not every problem needs a round peg for a round hole. Also restricted variation for artificial reasons is dangerous for a species. Stephen J Gould talks about stuff like this in Full House. Worth reading. Culturally we've also been restricting acceptable variation and that is killing us too.
I really enjoyed this conversation for several reasons. Both Evgenia and Yasha thoughtfully pointed out some societal differences between maternity and parenthood in the US and in Russia (soviet-or-otherwise). Well-done commentary, neither lapsing into stereotypes nor too much caution (making it more fun and real!).
It's like family values are almost a good thing and the human experience is more than personal ambition. Especially if famiky roles still required. Having a family is punk? As a non-breeder it sounds stressful but more meaningful than cats.
Please tell us that you weren't actually serious when you said that "There's a way out" would be your response should your daughter someday point out that she didn't ask to be born. While it might be painful for a parent to hear that their child isn't happy to be alive, or is (gasp) UNGRATEFUL for the "gift of life", it would be heartless and cruel to be told by her parents that she can always just commit suicide. Problem solved! A better response would be to take responsibility for YOUR decision and have a genuine heart-to-heart. Life is difficult. Pain can be chronic, happiness is always sporadic. I have friends who have lost children to suicide, and friends whose adult children simply can't cope. Procreation is an ethical, moral choice and it carries great risk for everyone involved. Rivka Weinberg's "The Risk of a Lifetime", (available at the LA public library), might offer food for thought, maybe even material for a follow-up discussion on your next podcast. It's a subject that's even more taboo than anything you've explored in this one. You correctly deride the hypocrisy of romanticizing pregnancy and childbirth in a society that provides so little social support to existing children and families. Perhaps you could bring the same clear-eyed perspective to the decision to procreate. It might even be compelling podcast content.
Sincerely wishing both you and your daughter long, meaningful lives worth living.
The human gestation is 40 weeks, which is actually about 9 and 1/3 months. There aren't exactly four weeks in a month, so you can calculate the total months by taking (40 weeks X 7 days)/30 days; this gives you 9.3333 months. I'm excited for you guys. You're going to be great parents because you are thoughtful and you don't give a shit what people think. I never planned on having children and when I first found out I was pregnant, I thought I was having a long hangover and my mom was like, "Could you be pregnant?" Of course, I could. I had been married for four years, we didn't use birth control, but I honestly didn't think of it until she said something." I'm a pretty good mom (could be better, could be worse) and I believe that is specifically due to the fact that being a parent was never a part of my identity. It was never a need I had to complete who I am as a person or a woman. We just made room for the kid, with no resentment because to us she was a special, delightful surprise from the universe. She is now the most easy-going, hilarious, independent and weird-in-a-good-way 9-year-old individual I have ever met. I'm so glad she didn't end up being a puppy torturer or something. I have a pretty good feeling you guys will have similar luck.
I've met plenty of Russian and American men who villainize Russian women as gold diggers and that broad generalization always disgusted me. For that reason I really appreciated the bit about Russian women trying to find a situation where they can enjoy a 1950's housewife lifestyle after having witnessed the toll of parenting and working on their mothers in the Soviet Union. This would certainly describe the majority of women in my family -- some who have married up successfully, but most not. The material conditions in America today for working class women of course makes it's no easier as you point out. I really enjoyed this episode even if it did cause me to feel a little bummed and reflect on my personal life. My own reflection comes out of both observing and aiding a single mother within a system that does not, as you both mentioned, enable a single parent to provide comfortably on her own despite the woke-feminist-liberal propaganda machine. Living that has traumatized me enough to not even toy with the idea of children unless I found the ideal partner and stability. On a lighter note, along with the reflection, this episode gave me a little hope :)
Bravo on the feat of choosing to raise a child! That kid is going to be so lucky!
Thank you! Don't know what's the single motherhood was like in US, but I grew up with basically a single mother in Russia and that actually made me think it's feasible.
I appreciated this for a few reasons. Its totally relatable.
(1) I hate the culture of pet obsession of professional class/ comfortable people and glad that you guys acknowledged it as bizarre
(2) the section on Gattaca is good. For me trying to exercise increasing control over stuff like this has many problems. One of them is that always making the same optimized choice is actually the wrong approach for many reasons. Such as context changes and we don't always notice. And not every problem needs a round peg for a round hole. Also restricted variation for artificial reasons is dangerous for a species. Stephen J Gould talks about stuff like this in Full House. Worth reading. Culturally we've also been restricting acceptable variation and that is killing us too.
Anyhow. Good show. Thanks.
I really enjoyed this conversation for several reasons. Both Evgenia and Yasha thoughtfully pointed out some societal differences between maternity and parenthood in the US and in Russia (soviet-or-otherwise). Well-done commentary, neither lapsing into stereotypes nor too much caution (making it more fun and real!).
It's like family values are almost a good thing and the human experience is more than personal ambition. Especially if famiky roles still required. Having a family is punk? As a non-breeder it sounds stressful but more meaningful than cats.
I listened to this whole episode while bicycling in traffic.
stay safe out there!
Please tell us that you weren't actually serious when you said that "There's a way out" would be your response should your daughter someday point out that she didn't ask to be born. While it might be painful for a parent to hear that their child isn't happy to be alive, or is (gasp) UNGRATEFUL for the "gift of life", it would be heartless and cruel to be told by her parents that she can always just commit suicide. Problem solved! A better response would be to take responsibility for YOUR decision and have a genuine heart-to-heart. Life is difficult. Pain can be chronic, happiness is always sporadic. I have friends who have lost children to suicide, and friends whose adult children simply can't cope. Procreation is an ethical, moral choice and it carries great risk for everyone involved. Rivka Weinberg's "The Risk of a Lifetime", (available at the LA public library), might offer food for thought, maybe even material for a follow-up discussion on your next podcast. It's a subject that's even more taboo than anything you've explored in this one. You correctly deride the hypocrisy of romanticizing pregnancy and childbirth in a society that provides so little social support to existing children and families. Perhaps you could bring the same clear-eyed perspective to the decision to procreate. It might even be compelling podcast content.
Sincerely wishing both you and your daughter long, meaningful lives worth living.